i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
