She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
