some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
