So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
