I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
