it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
