Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
