so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
