So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
