I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize