Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
