reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
