Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
