I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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