the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize