im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
