I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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