I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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