Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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