i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
MIDGETS
????
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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