How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
