i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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