Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
