Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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