I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
