And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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