At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
