I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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