Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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