So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
