The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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