i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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