We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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