call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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