Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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