Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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