he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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