Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
