your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
