So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize