You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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