Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
