i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
