Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
