I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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