i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i wish my penis had a tongue
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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