Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
