yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
