I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Pants are for mortals
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