Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
