You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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