well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
