Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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