my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
