Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize