Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
