I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
