was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
