a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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