He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
