Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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