I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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