Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
