i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
