he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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