I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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