i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
