That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
