I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
