:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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