woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
