College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
