just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I intend to get homeless drunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
