So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize