I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
