nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
