just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
