do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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