How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
