Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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