The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My feet surprised me
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