i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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