The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
