Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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