benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
