you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
