My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
