would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
