Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
