Pappa wants mamma naked
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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