I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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