it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize