Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
