I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
