that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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