I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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